Friday, May 30, 2014

Part of my ongoing program of progressive-expected and government-mandated self-flagellation includes a vow to listen to National Public Radio instead of my usual menu of troglodyte lying misogynistic racist sexist extremist right-winged radio garbage. Already my vocabulary has improved. But tonight while driving to Bellevue, in one hour I heard a 30 minute story about a woman who advocates infrequent bathing and banning anti-bacterial soap, because they killing all the beneficial bacteria that grow on our skin which actually makes us sicker - and she hasn't been sick since she stopped bathing, - and because it is de riguer to go eau de naturale in Europe and other third-world nations. Her co-workers at the health food store don't mind the smell. In fact some have told her they like like it. She says we all have our individual body smells, and we should embrace them without shame. She also spoke of the world-wide underground movement, Nopoo, to ban the use of shampoo. At the end of her interview, she reluctantly confessed that when she takes a hot shower (maybe once a month), she feels almost orgasmic, but then quickly expressed remorse for killing all those friendly germs. 30 minutes. And more with people calling in to support her. So, when you bathe, you are guilty of germicide, and if you get off on a hot shower, you are an abusive pervert.
Speaking of poo, I then learned about how we are contributing to global warming by eating too much meat, which also causes worldwide hunger because the animals are eating all the grains and we are chopping down rain forests to plant the grains, and how cow flatulence is a very serious cause of global climate change. I'm thinking, our national cow herd is about 88 million head, but in the good old days before Columbus and global climate change, the national bison herd could have been as many as 75 million head, but then I recalled that bison farts do not stink. Plus, it is a well-known fact that bison, caribou, elk, deer, and moose methane does not affect the climate, all of which were far more abundant before those smelly Europeans arrived on the shores.
And then there was the study that suggested as poor people become richer, they eat more meat and therefore contribute to global climate change.
So, I come away thinking we all need to make some changes. Embrace the human stink, eschew the cow stink, and keep poor people poor, and then everything will be ok.

1 comment:

  1. Dad, you are funny. Maybe you need a self imposed news ban all together... only classical music. Or better yet only mixed CDs from your daughter. :) See what that does for your soul.